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Monday, March 23, 2009
~ 4:05 PM ~
Me
Sorry for a lack of a better title..but perhaps what i want to say is just about me, myself and I...^_^
not sure on how to describe myself now, but there's this sense of excitement, but there's also the sense of a damped excitement..confusing eh? There are things to be joyful about but yet there are things that are dampening this joy....
yesterday's afternoon meeting was very 'interesting'....whilst all of us at the meeting received quite harsh comments with grace, it really got me to think a lot about who i am and what i say and how others interpret me...cause face it...people judge us by our actions and not intentions....
but through yesterday's meeting, the thoughts that came to my mind is "it's just too hard to live like that..." and i did entertain thoughts such as how about calling it quits or just walking away from it and pretending that none of this ever happened....
i wonder how Apostle Paul ever managed to do it. Whilst i know that we can't please everybody, but yet Apostle Paul did manage to live a life that is upright, beyond reproach and with integrity. People came to him, not depart from him. and yet, sometimes, i just have a feeling/observation that people depart from me and not come to me because of what i say/do/am ....maybe i'm over-reacting...but if it's really the case...then it does scare me...at the same time, i'm fully aware that i cant control things/people as well, so i dont fret over it too much, though i confess sometimes i feel hurt...
but here's the thing...what about the rest? so often in our analysis, we deem the characters of the 'rest' to be 'ceteris paribus', i.e. to be constant. Whatever they say seems to be right. Whatever they feel seems to be justified...and therefore, the person that always needs changing is ourselves! How about the rest? Maybe if the 'rest' changed, then they can truly see who I am, or who we are.....which then means that it's not us who needs changing but the 'rest'....and yet, this mentality is so arrogant and prideful....beginning to see the conflict and difficulty of living a LIFE?
but i dont deny..i need transformation in my character too...=(
just ranting...need not try to understand what i say...if you're a econometrician/statistician, you should be able to understand the last para...^_^
