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Friday, October 17, 2008
~ 11:17 PM ~
I Finally See
So, it's been almost 9 months since i commenced PhD and contrary to popular belief, PhD is not a slack time. We are considered working full time! We do not follow semester timetable and we certainly do not have those semester breaks that undergraduate students have.
I start work at about 930am (on average) and work till about 6-630pm everyday on average and whenever i reach home, i'm just plain tired and just want to sit and rest and not bother about anything else (which isnt the case..^_^). On Wednesday, as i was sitting in through a lecture, i suddenly thought of my mum and i could only say "mum, i finally see."
When i was in secondary school, my mum started working full time as a clerk in a hospital in singapore. I think her work starts at about 8am and i know she ends at 5pm. Having no car, she would take the public transport and arrive home at 545pm (yes,...it's 545pm..i remember very clearly). YET, she still comes home to cook dinner for the whole family. Despite working 5 days a week, she finds time to do the household chores that I very stubbornly refused to help on so many occasions. How did she manage to pull through all those years? full time work and those household chores and more importantly, 3 men to take care of!!!! And i already find managing myself quite a challenge at times...
As i thought more of my mum, an overwhelming sense of shame came over me and i felt so ashamed of treating my mum badly in so many ways. I took her for granted. I seldom showed her my appreciation. She would get angry at me so many times but i would always retaliate in my anger towards her. How could I?!
I was blind to see then, but now i clearly see.
I just want to say to my mum, i really really love you and please forgive me for all the hurts that i've caused you. You've really gave it all for my bro and I and you never asked anything in return, only that I would be obedient to you.
Thank you for your love that endures, mummy =)
