Frustration

Reviewing this past week, I would say that this week hasnt been too good for me. It all boils down to 1 word..assignment. For some backgrd information, I have no programming background or knowledge. And one of my assignments require me to solve the whole qn using Visual Basic for Application.

To make matters worse, I (and the whole cohort) am not learning much frm the tutor. All we do during com lab tuts is to go thru the VBA workbook we have by ourselves. No explanation. No demonstration. No guidance (unless u muster the courage to raise ur hand and ask him). And then, he jumps into the assignment, bombarding us with jargon here and there. But then again, all that we do in this VBA workbook has, in my tutor's words, no use at all for the assignment. Isn't this so encouraging? (btw..it's a sarcastic remark...)

Been really stressed out by this particular assignment. feel like crying at times...feel like smashing the table at times...and it's only the beginning. maybe i m putting too much pressure on myself..i dunno. All i know is that i am really trying very very hard to get this assignment done.

Came across 2 biblical verses that i should include in my prayers now..

Hebrews 4:16
"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Philipians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus".


Attended lecture today....somehow i had a glimmer of hope in my assignment...lets hope it turns out well....

Commonwealth Badminton Games

Ian, Rachel and myself went down to the Melbourne Exhibition Centre to watch the badminton event for the Commonwealth Games. Being badminton enthusiasts ourselves, we were eager and excited to see the action on the courts, hoping to learn some technical skills here and there..haha!

The venue wasnt that big, but it was good in a sense that we were very close to the badminton action. Events for the day were the women singles and mixed doubles. We were entertained and awed by long rallies and good skill execution. Was absolutely rewarding!

Here are some photos that we took...forgive the photographer...haha!

Badminton Court


Aussie vs NewZealand


Msian Womens Singles, Wong Mew Choo


Msia Mixed Doubles, Khoo kien Keat & Wong PT(??..haha! cant remember)


Olympic Silver Medallist mixed doubles, England


Me and Rachel


Ian and Rachel


Ian and me

Sick of Living?

I was talking to Antonius a few days back and he mentioned the following:

"Many people say they are sick of living. The truth is, they are sick of not living."

Just an additional word in that phrase got me thinking about how one should really live...

I am glad that I am living. Are you living (not in the literal sense..)?

Digressing...

Received these words from an email..

In Loving Memory
Miss me--but let me go
When I come to the end of the road
and the sun is set for me.
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little--but not too long
and not with your head bowed low,
remember the love that we once shared.

Miss me--but let me go
For this is a journey we all must take
and each must do it alone,
It's all a part of the master's plan
a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
go to friends we know.
Bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.

Miss me--but let me go

Life is...

The last few days have been tough for me spiritually and mentally.

On Tuesday evening, I was in my friend's car at the hostel calling someone. While calling, I saw one of my friends walked out of the hostel. He is a Japanese. I waved at him and nodded my head. I did not get out of the car to have a chat with him.

On Wednesday night, I received news that he has passed away. His body was found in his room on Wednesday morning. He committed suicide. Apparently, he suffered from depression. I also just found out that he had actually booked a flight back to Japan scheduled on Thursday. It is said that he felt too shameful to return home.

When i received news, I was appalled. I slept for 4 hours that night, cause I was blaming myself. My head was full of images, images on how i got to know him 4 weeks ago, images on how hard we tried to communicate with each other as his command of english was very weak, images on how i had cared for him while he was sick, images on how he talked to me about how he could not see the doctor due to certain Overseas Students Health Cover issues, images on how he laughed and played the games at the BBQ event which I organised in Feb.

I knew he was not adapting well to the new environment. But i didnt help much. I can say that i didnt help as much as i could have.

Then all the what if's came into my head. What if i had gotten out of the car on Tues evening and talked to him? Maybe things could have changed?

For the whole of Thursday, I was very distracted. I couldnt think properly as I was thrown into this whirlpool of thoughts. I kept thinking "why why why?" Things were not made better when i kept thinking that i was one of the last few who had contact with him practically hours before he died.

I prayed. I talked to my pastor on Thursday night and he counselled me. He prayed for me. I was healed. I felt much at peace with myself. It was not within my control. I may not have been able to change things as well. I forgave myself. I felt the peace that transcends all understanding...

I attended my japanese friend's memorial service today. It was a solemn affair. I could sense the gravity of the air. The smell of sadness was evident. I felt heavy too..I could feel the emotions well up in me...but I controlled it. There was no point in crying.

Many people turned up. Many cried. I was comforted to know that despite the communication barrier that he may have had with people, he has managed to touch the lives of others. He managed to walk into the lives of others. He was not unnoticed.

As part of the service, we were invited to go up to the front and light a candle. I lighted one and bowed to the parents, of which the mum was weeping uncontrollably, as a sign of respect and expression of condolences.

We all live a life which is fragile. You may not see the person whom you see today, tomorrow. I experienced this feeling and I can testify to you that it's not a nice feeling. Life is fragile...really fragile.

On a more serious note, we should also respect our lives. We do not just live our own lives. There are people whom we are accountable to. I witnessed how the parents grieved earlier on just now. They were heart broken. Many others weeped. Many were upset.

I think I shall just draw a close to this.

To this Japanese friend of mine,
"You are a gentle and sincere person. Thank you for walking into my life and thank you for giving me the opportunity to share part of my life with you. We will miss you."

Narnia Night

After weeks of planning and preparation, the Campus Christian Movement finally had the party themed Narnia last night. As the name suggests, people are encouraged to dress up as one of the characters in Narnia for the party. Friends and guests were entertained by a mime (in which i acted as well..haha!..dun laugh!), dance, games, dinner and a multimedia presentation. All in all, I think we all had fun. I really take my hats off to those who really made the effort to come dressed up! Kudos to them! Pictures speak a thousand words, so enjoy!

Hwee Ling, myself, Junwei


Azlan, the lion


Mr. Tumnus (Big sacrifice frm Shaun!!)


The King


Princess?? (cant remember wat character she was..haha)


Mrs. Beaver


King, Susan (fifty years later after Narnia..lolx), Santa


Su Ann and me!


Our Emcees, Lilea and Antonius (as mr. and mrs. beaver)


Our 3 dancers: Jacinta, Swee, Ivy


See the lamp post?


Me, Jacinta and Cass


The mime (can u find me? haha!)


Ivy


Jacinta


Swee

Nothing To . . .

Was watching a sermon dvd about 3.5 weeks ago (sermon=preaching..) and the speaker made 3 interesting points. We have nothing to prove, nothing to hide and nothing to lose.

Nothing to prove
As mentioned before in my previous blog entry about what one's worth is, there's really nothing to prove. There's no need to show off what you are good at, and there's nothing to feel envious about with other people's talents. God made you who you are to fufil his purpose. God is our potter and we are his clay...you do not hear the clay asking the potter why are u making me this way, do you? Run your own race and focus on your race.

Nothing to hide
The righteous lives in the light. If we truly confess our sins and repent by turning away from the dark, there's nothing for us to hide or to be ashamed of. Yet, if we claim to walk in the light but walk in darkness, we have sinned.
I really believe that in fellowship with people, we should be open to one another and have accountability to leaders...cause there's nothing to hide if you walk in the light. Genuinity, authencity and sincerity will previal in relationships.

Nothing to lose
I still grapple with this point cause I believe there are still many things I hold dear to my heart. But it also goes to show how people have become attached to the worldly things. Not that it's not normal to do so, but while the physical needs have been met or are being met, are the spiritual needs being satisfied or cared for in the 1st place?
If we have faith and trust in God to see us through the times, there's nothing for us to lose, cause we have taken that step in faith and pleased the Lord.

I have wrote this entry in biblical terms, but it does not mean that it only applies to Christians. Think about it in your daily life. If we do not try hard to prove our worth, if we do not wear masks to face different people and if we do not hold on so dearly to things, wouldnt life be easier?

By the way, it's a hypothetical question...

It has Begun

Uni has begun....not really much stuff to say about Uni actually. coz i really have no comments. I guess i will just have to take things into my stride and pray that things will go on smoothly. Some lecturers are really good..some lecturers make me depressed...actually, only 1 lecturer makes me depressed....BUT this same lecturer teaches me 2 units! get the equation? lolx

Was organising a BBQ event abt 2 weeks ago and the BBQ went on smoothly last week. had a good turn out of about 70 people. Kudos to my committee members...especially rachel who did so much for the food preparation. The people also liked the games played during the BBQ. excellent!

This BBQ event really enabled us to reach out to new friends and international students who just came to Australia. Was actually reminded of how i felt when i 1st came over to australia..haha!

On a personal note, organising this BBQ event was a challenge and privilege to me, especially since when I have not organised an event for about 5 years. Although I did feel a little rusty in my administrative and coordination and control skills, I believed i did pull through. A lot has been learnt and i believe these lessons will be invaluable experience when i graduate and get a job in future.

It may sound a bit exagerrating that I relate organising a BBQ event to being invaluable experience, but it is the foundation of bigger things to come. I am like a raw precious stone waiting to be carved and polished. It's always good to have a solid base before towering structures can be built. This is the process of honing my gifts.

Am suddenly reminded of this verse...
Jeremiah 29:11
"The plans I have for you (are) plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Till then, take care readers!