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Monday, January 23, 2006
~ 3:47 PM ~
The Esscence of Independence
The question of the esscence of independence struck me one night as I was preparing to go to bed. I was looking out of my large glass window panel, looking at the far away lights. I was recollecting certain incidents that happened in my life over the past 20 years, and for some reason, i began to ask myself "Have I grown to be independent?"
I checked the dictionary. Independence is the state when one is not influenced by someone or something else. It is being free from the influence , guidance and control of others. Pretty impressive definition...sounds pretty ideal as well...but is that what we really want to be? Doesnt the definition sound as though you are fighting against the whole world? Riding against the tide?
Let me share with you how i defined independence...
In school (secondary level and A levels), i defined independence as being able to cope with things well by yourself. I was able to juggle my time between my co-curricular activities and my studies. I managed to do well in both areas. My parents did not have to worry about much things about me. They trusted me a lot and with this trust, i was entrusted with a lot of freedom. The freedom to do what i needed and wanted to do. I never abused it.
I felt independent. I didnt have to depend on anyone for anything (except the financial part..haha!). I was able to solve problems myself. If i were stuck in a problem, all i needed to do was to have a good discussion with the relevant parties and it would be solved. I depended on my own strength. I was confident of the strength I had to see myself through all sorts of storms. There were certainly times when i would cry to my dad during crunch times, but all these served to make me retaliate harder. I didnt want to give in. And i can proudly say that i have never given into anything. This was my independence.
Year 2004 was a life changing moment for me when i decided to return to malaysia to continue my studies. Independence took on a new definition.
Independence was being emotionally independent. Gone were the days when I could cry to my dad and get pampered. Gone were the days when parents could come and solve problems for me. I had to learn to adapt to the new environment myself and face problems myself. Had to solve issues myself, no matter how unpleasant they were. It was a tough period, but i came through it, further strengthening me.
I now look back at my life. I begin to ask...have i become too strong? Have i become too 'independent'? Perhaps I have become too independent that i began to judge what was right and wrong...what i did was right..wat others did were wrong...
I have experienced quite a lot in the past half year. Pleasant and unpleasant moments. Been enlightened (by myself...i think) lately as well. And i am beginning to see independence in a different light.
Independence is when you learn how and when to depend on others. Depending on others and independence sound a little contradictory? I thought so at first..but as i think more about it, it makes more sense to me.
I am currently learning from 'others'. Learning from 'others' is depending on others. When you learn to imitate these good traits these 'others' have, you are learning to be independent. Cause you are learning it for your benefit.
I have been relying on my own strength for too long...weariness is what i feel. It's time i learn to be independent in a new way.
Do I have your support, 'others'?
