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Sunday, October 16, 2005
~ 3:56 PM ~
attended caregroup last nite at ivy's place..been a weekly activity and i must say tt i m liking it more each week
yesterday's teachings was abt forgiveness. as usual, ivy said something tt struck me (or else i wouldnt be writing this entry..lol).
During our primary schools "Don't wanna be your fren already" was a very common sentence we said (admit it! i did!). if our frens did something to upset us or if our frens did not do something we ask of, we always threaten to be "not your fren anymore".
i have always thought i have grown out of this childish thought...but hey, think again...though we dun say this sentence anymore, our actions today actually reflect this. in other words, our "dont wanna be your fren already" is done in a very adult fashion. how many of us here avoid frens coz we cant stand them? how many of us here pretend that we dunno certain frens coz these frens have hurt/betrayed us in the past? i m guilty of it...and i know u r too...
hence, although we no longer say "i dun wanna be ur fren anymore", our actions have actually not grown out of this childish sentence..sad isnt it?
truthfully speaking, i dunno where i stand now. i have hated ppl b4...really hated them..to the extent that i hoped that they vanish into thin air. however,as ivy was teaching abt forgiveness last nite, i was reflecting upon my life so far.
i have come across frens tt betrayed me, frens tt avoided me, frens tt really put me off, frens that walked over my head, frens that pretend to be frens...only to stab u in the back when u least expect it...u may think tt i m cursing them now as of today..but the amazing thing is...as i went thru those reflections, i dun feel a single sense of anger. i m already numb towards them. is this forgiveness? i dunno...all i know that there's no point in bearing grudges against them...coz wat's important is the future and not the past.
many of u have heard abt me complaining abt shariah (some of u know) b4. this person has pissed me off in many occasions and made my blood boiled endlessly..but now, i actually feel sorry for him. i no longer bear any grudge against him although he has done things tt insulted my integrity...
i dunno if this is forgiveness or a sign of 'cant be bothered". but i m sure of this. i m a changed person....for the better...cant really explain in words, but my changed thoughts have made me realise a side i never thought i had...amazing? maybe...
