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Tuesday, March 31, 2009
~ 9:56 AM ~
Eye of the Storm

I'm confident of this..that when a perfect storm is brewing, I'm safe in the eye of the storm =)

There's nothing He cannot do..

In the freedom of choices that we make, He is still in control...

I believe that!!!!

~ 12:08 AM ~
Numb

hmmz...i dunno wat to say now, except that I'm feeling quite numb now...

i thought i should have felt a little hurt after all that I've put in...but oh wells, i decided right from the start that i shall give unconditionally...so it shouldnt matter if people dont feel it or understand it =)

and no, i'm not suicidal as Ivy puts it..AHAHAHAHAHA!

this is just my blog for me to rant and release my emo side....i'm still going strong... =)

Saturday, March 28, 2009
~ 10:37 PM ~
When....

A hard truth I've been coping with lately is that I feel that I've already reached the end of the tunnel, with no where else i can go....And I wonder what more I can do...and i'm convinced that the answer is a simple 'nothing'....

so many more things i want to say and have said...but at the end of it all, does it really matter?

The only thing I can do now is to hope, to believe, to pray, to not waver, to not sway, to endure, to persevere, to rejoice, to be faithful, to love, to identify, to support, to unite, to be at peace, to support, to be strong, to be compassionate, to be kind, to be understanding....

I knew right from the start that I'm not supposed to carry the emotions...but gradually i've found myself entangled in a confusion of emotions, thoughts and restlessness....I want to let go...

It's time for me to stand again...just me...

Monday, March 23, 2009
~ 4:05 PM ~
Me
Sorry for a lack of a better title..but perhaps what i want to say is just about me, myself and I...^_^

not sure on how to describe myself now, but there's this sense of excitement, but there's also the sense of a damped excitement..confusing eh? There are things to be joyful about but yet there are things that are dampening this joy....

yesterday's afternoon meeting was very 'interesting'....whilst all of us at the meeting received quite harsh comments with grace, it really got me to think a lot about who i am and what i say and how others interpret me...cause face it...people judge us by our actions and not intentions....

but through yesterday's meeting, the thoughts that came to my mind is "it's just too hard to live like that..." and i did entertain thoughts such as how about calling it quits or just walking away from it and pretending that none of this ever happened....

i wonder how Apostle Paul ever managed to do it. Whilst i know that we can't please everybody, but yet Apostle Paul did manage to live a life that is upright, beyond reproach and with integrity. People came to him, not depart from him. and yet, sometimes, i just have a feeling/observation that people depart from me and not come to me because of what i say/do/am ....maybe i'm over-reacting...but if it's really the case...then it does scare me...at the same time, i'm fully aware that i cant control things/people as well, so i dont fret over it too much, though i confess sometimes i feel hurt...

but here's the thing...what about the rest? so often in our analysis, we deem the characters of the 'rest' to be 'ceteris paribus', i.e. to be constant. Whatever they say seems to be right. Whatever they feel seems to be justified...and therefore, the person that always needs changing is ourselves! How about the rest? Maybe if the 'rest' changed, then they can truly see who I am, or who we are.....which then means that it's not us who needs changing but the 'rest'....and yet, this mentality is so arrogant and prideful....beginning to see the conflict and difficulty of living a LIFE?

but i dont deny..i need transformation in my character too...=(

just ranting...need not try to understand what i say...if you're a econometrician/statistician, you should be able to understand the last para...^_^

Friday, March 20, 2009
~ 10:47 AM ~
Ermz..sorry

hey dudette....sorry for wat i said last nite....^_^
really meant it as a joke...so yea..dun take it personally okie?

Thursday, March 19, 2009
~ 3:40 PM ~
Earthquakes

Ok..so the talk of the month is the 2 earthquakes that hit melbourne in 2 weeks...

well, for some reason, i felt NEITHER of the earthquakes when it happened...

when the earthquake struck at 4:28pm yest, i was in my room doing some work on my laptop and i felt nothing move or tremble..

rachel said tt my house is stable..

i just replied tt it was me who was stable....^_^

so, since Feb, victoria has had bushfires and earthquakes...wat next? tsunami?

Saturday, March 07, 2009
~ 5:01 PM ~
It's Over

OK..so my phd confirmation presentation is finally over....it was scary...attendance was so much higher than i expected. I expected to be much less since the venue was so far away from the Menzie's building..it was in the Engineering building! still...7 associate professors/professors and 4 phd students came...stress...

though i couldnt answer like 90% of the questions asked after the presentation, some of the professors commented well for my presentation...phew! thank God...=)

and yeap, i passed my confirmation with flying colours, according to my supervisor..who got the report from the convenor ...so it's all good =) and my supervisors granted me half day leave on thurs and full day leave on fri...so happy...hahaha!

thanks calvin for buying me a PLanetshakers CD to celebrate my passing =) was really surprised..thanks bro =) so touched...hahahahaha!

and ivy/ian's engagement party has finally ended too....gosh...wasnt tt easy to plan...well, would have been much easier if i did not have my phd confirmation to work on then...but anyway, it's ALL WORTH IT...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! gosh...ian in make up, ivy being beast.....AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! lalalalalalalalalala =)

ok...now is the time to rest and recuperate...hmmz....if i didnt have a class to teach on monday..i think i would have taken another day off from work on monday...oh wells....time to earn cash....dun be lazy boy jason!

Wednesday, March 04, 2009
~ 9:40 AM ~
Blindness

Some people insist on having their own way, regardless of the counsel of the wiser, thinking that it's just between them. What they are blinded to see is how others are hurt and the repercussions that follow....

Then, when they hope that people will understand them, they will not receive it. when they hope that people will support them, they will not receive it. when they hope to receive people's blessings, they will not receive it..cause they started on the wrong footing...

Now, the others are left hurting and reeling from shock, disbelief and pain...having to find comfort, solace and healing, in one way or the other......

Can i just say that you should always heed the counsel of the wise...cause to what benefit is it to you to not heed??? It is all to your detriment if you insist on having your own way. but i guess it is when grace comes in when people have the free will do do what they want..

A reminder verse for me today:
Psalms 37: 8 "refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil"

now i need to try to focus on my presentation tml....

Tuesday, March 03, 2009
~ 10:43 PM ~
Goodbye

I'm amazed at how within one night..the respect that i have for someone for a few years..can dwindle to a miserable amount....if not, none....

somehow...friends around can no longer be friends to me...coz i dont think i can longer understand them nor identify or support them any longer...

i dunno why...i dunno wat's the way to respond...

maybe i shall just say, goodbye...

Monday, March 02, 2009
~ 5:10 PM ~
Phd Confirmation Presentation

ok...so my phd confirmation presentation is on this thurs....am currently working through the slides....

here's the front slide =)





looks cool eh??

Sunday, March 01, 2009
~ 11:33 PM ~
Grace

Sometimes i just dont get it why people shoot back at certain comments without considering whether they were actually graceful in their speech...i think there's a really fine line between being rude and trying to bring forth your say without putting down others....frankly speaking, i find this behaviour really really arrogant..and they get on my nerves....

digressing

people really dont like to hear the truth...and when they hear it, they retaliate, defend themself, justify themself....frankly speaking, if one responds like this, nothing much can be done....


to conclude..it's been a terrible week...but i have many things to be thankful for.

i hope this coming week will spell of good things...i'm sure...

About JaSzZ~



Jason Ng
Monash University (Australia)
2nd Year PhD (Financial Econometrics)
23 years old

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