I Finally See

So, it's been almost 9 months since i commenced PhD and contrary to popular belief, PhD is not a slack time. We are considered working full time! We do not follow semester timetable and we certainly do not have those semester breaks that undergraduate students have.

I start work at about 930am (on average) and work till about 6-630pm everyday on average and whenever i reach home, i'm just plain tired and just want to sit and rest and not bother about anything else (which isnt the case..^_^). On Wednesday, as i was sitting in through a lecture, i suddenly thought of my mum and i could only say "mum, i finally see."

When i was in secondary school, my mum started working full time as a clerk in a hospital in singapore. I think her work starts at about 8am and i know she ends at 5pm. Having no car, she would take the public transport and arrive home at 545pm (yes,...it's 545pm..i remember very clearly). YET, she still comes home to cook dinner for the whole family. Despite working 5 days a week, she finds time to do the household chores that I very stubbornly refused to help on so many occasions. How did she manage to pull through all those years? full time work and those household chores and more importantly, 3 men to take care of!!!! And i already find managing myself quite a challenge at times...

As i thought more of my mum, an overwhelming sense of shame came over me and i felt so ashamed of treating my mum badly in so many ways. I took her for granted. I seldom showed her my appreciation. She would get angry at me so many times but i would always retaliate in my anger towards her. How could I?!

I was blind to see then, but now i clearly see.

I just want to say to my mum, i really really love you and please forgive me for all the hurts that i've caused you. You've really gave it all for my bro and I and you never asked anything in return, only that I would be obedient to you.

Thank you for your love that endures, mummy =)

Don't They Care?

I realised something tonight. I get infuriated when i care about something of someone and that someone doesnt care at all about that something.

This is an emotion I definitely dont want to carry.....

Singapore First again...

Singapore has always been striving so hard to be the first in everything...but i dont think they will be very pleased with this latest fact from the global financial crisis....

Quoted from The Age Online on 10th Oct 2008
(Singapore) is the first Asian country to fall into a recession since the (financial) crisis started

This is really not good at all.....

Yet Another Tag

yet another tag by calvin woon aka bawoon (or baboon). so i need to list 8 facts about myself....so here they are..shall keep it really short and simple...

1. I've been sick for the past 4 days

2. I've been working on a computer program for the past 3 weeks with results driving me up the wall.

3. I'm into my 8th month of PhD.

4. I'm on a weight loss regime, not because i'm fat, but because i want to lose weight for my health (and also to be more recognisable by my mum when i fly home this year)

5. I need to clean my room....especially my bookshelf which is becoming more and more dusty as we speak....

6. Someone's bday is coming and i need to start planning how to celebrate and wat present to get for that person.....

7. I'll be poorer from next week onwards cause next week is the last week of semester = last week of tutoring = last week i can get income from tutoring... T-T

8. I'm Jason Ng

As usual..i shall bless 7 people by not passing on the tag and only tag ONE person...

CALVIN WOON THEAN WENG!!! YOU ARE TAGGED AGAIN!!!!!!! i dun care i dun care =)

Programming

I think this is the first time i m actually blogging while at work...well, cause there's nothing else i can do,

I wrote up this HUGE BIG program for my phd research and it's so big that it takes on average 10 minutes to run before the results pop out...so here i am, just stoning, seeing the program run, waiting for the results to show and then figuring out why the results are not what i need....

and each time i dont get the desired results, i need to work on why it is so, then change the program here and there, then re-run it...and then it would take another 10 mins to run the program....

i think i can bring in a story book the next time....