Still

I was very sad yesterday, to the extent that I cried many times at different time intervals. To the extent that my eyes were dry and painful. There's no pain greater than losing a loved one. Time to really see life as a cycle of birth, growth and death.

I have heard the song "Still" many times but never did i feel its impact...until yesterday. I finally felt the power of the song yesterday, making me erupt in tears.

The lyrics are like this:

Hide me now, under your wings
Cover me, into your mighty hands

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still
Know you are God

I will recover. Please do not worry for me. Time is all I need.

How sweet and sorrowful memories really can be....

Actions and Intentions

I am currently reflecting upon these 2 words. I think many a times, we tend to define what is right and wrong by one's actions. Very seldom do we think about the intention of others. On the other hand, we define what we do as right based on our intentions, no matter what the actions may be.


I think I have come to a point where I should really start to appreciate and love people for their intentions and not actions. Sometimes, action also refers to having no actions at all. When there's no action, do you start to wonder whether a person actually cares for you? But as a matter of fact, you are still being cared for. Friends around you have kind intentions, but their actions may not be so because of certain constraints.

I am not too sure if what i am saying makes sense. But i really do want to challenge myself to think more about ppl's intentions rather than their actions. Maybe through this, I will realy get to experience what unconditional love is. Even when ppl seem to act aloof towards me, or seem to be unconcerned about me, it's always good to consider their intentions, rather than get emotional over their actions.

Consider the intentions...

Been such a long time since i blogged...yeapz...home still no internet connection. waiting for housemates to balik home from their respective countries b4 i can discuss with them.

Been kinda busy helping out in the orientation for the past week and so. Have felt challenged by it actually. I am supposed to help in the registration and enrolment of the students, mingle with the students and basically just ensure that they are settling down fine and everything.

Why do i say it is a challenge to me? Basically coz i normally dun take the initiative to talk to strangers. And yet, not only did i have to take this initiative, I had to establish a conversation with them and build a friendship with them from the scratch. I was afraid at first. I mean, it's been such a long time since i played such a role. After so many years of wanting to slack off and not take the outward approach, it was tough. I have grown accustomed to my comfort zone, not willing to let ppl enter this zone of mine unless I allow them to.

I prayed really hard...really really hard tt I would be wise and courageous to make that 1st step. And i was glad tt i managed to accomplish that. I have gotten to know so many new ppl and exchanged contact nos. I have even played badminton with some of them last week. Will be playing with them again tomorrow, with other of my friends.

It's just so amazing how i managed to do it. Am really grateful and thankful.

well, tt's about it.take care readers

A Serious Jet-lag Issue

I am so stoned and giddy now...have not recovered fully from my jet-lag (and i thought i have..haha). Let me give you an account of my sleeping disorder.

I went to bed at 11:30pm last night and woke up at 1:50am this morning, feeling very awake and alert. Hence, I got off the bed and did some reading. I crawled back to bed at 2:30am.

Was tossing and turning in bed...and even counted sheepssssssssssssss...many many sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepssss. I was still awake at 5:30am....

I fell asleep shortly after and woke up at 10:45am. Upon waking up, my head was spinning and my body felt wobbly. Not too sure if it's a sign of sleeping too little or too much. But one thing for sure, it's a sign of an incomplete recovery from jet-lag...sighz....

Am feeling slightly better now after lying on bed for 30 mins just now...It's lunch time now and I am not too hungry....hmmz....maybe will have lunch 1 hour later gua...

Shifting house tomorrow liaoz....will be internet-less for a few weeks (hopefully..)

Oh wells..

A 27 Hour DAy with no sleep

I have come to realise that i sort of dislike flying long hours...Arrived in Melbourne this morning frm Singapore. The plane transited at Bali. This is the stats: 2 hours from Singapore to Bali and another 5 hours from Bali to Melbourne. I was basically suffering on board the plane, no thanks to the squeezy seats. Thank goodness i was sitting by the aisle and there was no passenger in the centre seat, which allowed me to stretch my legs..haha! And I also thank the pilot for 'speeding' as it shortened my suffering...

Didnt sleep on the plane cause it was too uncomfortable for me to sleep. It's also partly due to my inability to sleep in an upright position unless i had something to rest my head at an angle, which i didnt have...and oso coz i have a real difficulty falling asleep.

When I reached Melbourne, I was greeted by winter conditions. A 18 degree temperature with rain...how cool is tt? isn't it supposed to be summer? haha!

Went to see the landlord today to inspect my room which i booked last yr in Nov and to collect the housekey. I am so impressed with the house and my room. My landlord got me a new stylish bedframe, a new mattress and a new desk. He also bought a new fridge and installed a really good-quality alarm system whereby the patrol police will be alerted should the alarm go off. I think I am falling in love with the house...haha! Will only be moving in the new house on sun or mon..

Had lunch at Uni today. As usual, I went to the chinese dining hall...and when i was ordering the food, the auntie said to me "hey, u're back already?".. i was so touched..she actually still remembers me! haha! think she gave me extra meat for my lunch..haha!

yea..tt sort of sums up my 27 hour day with no sleep...i am so tired now...wanna konk off...not gonna think of anything..somehow my mind seems to be so full of thinking abt this and that...not a good sign...or maybe it is...well, time to adjust my mindset i guess....

Let the games begin...

"I actually went through all that?!"

Was watching the movie "I not stupid" on tv a couple of nights back. It's a singapore movie that aired in year 2002 and was a resounding success as it spoke about the education system's overemphasis on exams and competitiveness...

As i watched the movie, my primary school and early secondary school days began to surface in my mind...which gave me a sense of nostalgia...hmmz..Nostalgia may not be the appropriate word coz i dun really yearn to go back to the past..but couldnt find a better word..hmmz...

I remember myself to be 'stupid' during primary school days (my parents can testify to tt and i believe tt they should be nodding their heads when they see this..haha!). When i say 'stupid', it's because i couldnt do well in exams. My english was bad, my mathematics was atrocious..i think only my chinese CMI (Can Make It).

I remembered doing stacks of assessment books tt my mother so diligently bought and i so reluctantly did..haha! my mum would always assign me homework frm this big blue eng vocab book which i found it tough to do. my mum would tear the answer sheets frm the back of the book and hide it somewhere so tt i would not be able to find the answer sheets and copy them...i remember my performances in those vocab exercises to be inconsistent...i could score well at times..but i scored badly most of the times..haha! then my mum would patiently sit and go thru the mistakes with me...

My dad would spend sunday afternoons revising mathematics with me. i kinda hated it..coz i wanted to play and watch tv on sundays! haha! i mean, i was a kid then mahz...only wanna play and watch. My dad would patiently go thru the math problems while i would impatiently wait for my dad to give me the answers..which he never did..coz he wanted me to work the answers out myself, under his guidance...pressure manz! haha!

some of the tv scenes made me remember things tt i have forgotten long ago.. one of these things was the way how teachers passed down exam papers. we took exams in classrooms and whenever the teacher walked in with a huge stack of exam papers, all of us would start to panic and wish each other good luck. Then the teacher would count the no. of students in each row and put the correct no. of scripts on the front of the row and the 1st student in tt row was to pass the paper backwards to the students behind him/her. I remembered trying to see some of the questions in the midst of passing but i never did succeed..haha!

Another thing i hated during primary school days was the policy of letting parents sign ur exam papers....hated it....basically coz i never did well in exams! I was always crippled with fear when i faced my parents with really low exam marks written in red on my exam scripts. Scolding and caning (i think got caning gua..cant remember, dad mum..haha) were the norm in these situations...i really felt tt exam scores gave me a huge blow to my confidence then ..coz it's like, frens are doing well, y m i so unlucky to be The One who does badly...hence, i hated exams! haha!

I remember some of the tricks i would come up with to overcome this policy. I think i once forged my dad's signature on the exam paper and i was caught..haha! i recall myself practising my dad's signature many times b4 signing on tt exam paper for my teacher to inspect...i cant really remember whether it did happen...but i have a hunch feeling tt i did it b4..haha! Another trick tt i thought of but did not materialise was to borrow a fren's script which had high marks for ur dad to sign, since it was highly unlikely tt parents would read thru the script when the marks were good..haha!

Another thing tt i hated during primary school was parent-meet-teachers day, especially if i hated the teacher and felt tt the teacher would take 'revenge' on me by speaking bad about me. Normal comments about me include "Jason's english is bad. He must read more story books" or something abt me needing more practise in certain subjects....yucks manz! but of coz, there were really pleasant teachers who would sing me praises..hehez!

haiz...how time flies...in Uni already...in my final year...I must say that I miss those primary school days..but if you ask me whether I would want to live through them again, I would give u a resounding "NO WAY dude!"

Pleasures of Life (Part II)

To further enhance the atmosphere and mood i was trying to create in the blog i wrote last nite, the photo below is the best atmosphere under which to have a good talk with your close confidante...




Acknowledgement: Antonius' photo gallery @ www.pbase.com/astha2

Pleasures of Life

I love indulging myself in things that i really like...well, basically playing, blogging, reading, singing and daydreaming...

In terms of playing, a game of bowling and badminton would really do me good...haha! the feeling of satisfaction is magnified if you know that u had played a good game with your friends

Blogging and daydreaming are kinda related....some of my blog writings are from my daydreamings..haha!

Singing..guess i dun have to say much..haha! and yes jean, i will try to brush up my singing skills...if relevant, applicable and available...haha!

Reading...hmmz..basically reading articles that are philosophical or that discusses life issues...been kinda addicted lately to reading blogs that discuss abt life of a teenager...ya...

But the one thing I like best, and is hardly ever done/achieved, is being close to nature of any form and talking face to face to a close confidante late at nite. Imagine u and ur close fren, sitting down at a bench, looking at the faraway lights, having a real good talk with each other...i think it's a very splendid experience.
(p.s. i m not referring to a bgr kinda talk...)

I have always said that I am a nite person..i still am and i dun think i will ever change...pls do not interpret nite person as one who is very happening or hyper alert at nite...i m not...nite person means i love the nite more than daytime...

I just love the tranquility that nitefall gives me. I love the quietness and peacefulness tt nitefall showers me with. The feeling of having the nite to accompany you is appealing and satisfying to me. Nightfall gives me comfort...i am away frm the buzz of life...away from gossips..away from the looks and impressions that society places on you. I just love the warmth and protection that nightfall surrounds me with.

Talking to a confidante under these circumstances would allow me to truly and fully express myself..with nothing to hide..

I wonder when i can experience this best pleasure of life....

Wash It Clean

My uncle was telling me this afternoon some of the 'funny languages' my cute little cousin, meimei, would say at times...I liked the following one the best..haha!

One day, my uncle was washing his black toyota car...and then meimei came running out of the house, saying "洗白白阿!" (If u cant read the words, the words are "xi bai bai ahz" which means, when directly translated, "wash white white ahz"...)

Uncles response: -_-